The writer of this article was guaranteed anonymity.  The author has shared her experience, strength, and hope  with the belief that it will help and encourage someone in their own process.

“Forgiveness & Adultery”

It would seem totally unfair that these two words would be referenced together ever, because it is a tall order to accomplish. Let’s see what Webster says about these two words. Forgiveness is the action or process of forgiving or being forgiven; to cease to feel resentment against an offender. Synonyms say to pardon; to grant clemency, to have mercy (Lord have Mercy). Adultery is voluntary sexual intercourse between a married person and a person who is not his or her spouse. Ouch that hurts just typing it.

Back to the forgiving thing. To be brutally honest it will not happen without a relationship with our Lord and Savior Jesus the Christ. Here’s why, the pain of adultery is searing and it renders you almost helpless. The effects of it are life altering and it spills through every facet of your being. The grief is real because there is a death to what you thought was a marriage and we know what they say about the stages of grief concerning death. So your help must come from the Lord, but it will take some navigating to get there.

Adultery has affected me in two ways, I am a product of it and I am a survivor of it. In the deepest most inner parts of my soul, I questioned God as to why I was made to have this in my life. From my beginning my footing wasn’t sure, I did not have a choice by the means in which I came here. I traveled through life not realizing that I would have a lot of forgiving to do of myself, my parents, and my spouse. I’ve read a lot of material that states forgiveness is really not for the other person, it is for you, so you can move on with your life. This sounds therapeutically correct, but when your heart is ripped out you also want to rip the head off of the ones that have harmed you. I’m just saying.

When you are faced with a life issue like adultery that breaks your heart in a million little pieces over and over again you initially kind of want to handle it your own way which can take you down the streets of depression, embarrassment, drugs, denial, isolation, sex, resentment, bitterness, oh and of course anger. After all of these things have been tired, waiting patiently is our Heavenly Father who has been on the journey all along.  I remember that end of my way experience in asking, “Lord please help me” and really meaning it.

Matthew 6:14-15 makes you go to work at the true essence of forgiveness because it says: “For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, But if you do not forgive others their sins your Father will not forgive your sins. Point, blank, period!!! I absolutely did not want to go there. I somehow felt by forgiving others I would be letting everyone off the hook. Romans 12:19 states “Never take your own revenge, beloved but leave room for the wrath of God, for it is written, Vengeance is Mine, I will repay says the Lord. Whew that’s comforting so I do not have to take matters into my own hands. (Probably would have messed it up anyway). I also learned that when I preface too many things with the pronoun “I” that it becomes about me and not the process. So I had to get with myself, ask the Lord to forgive me for all that I have done that is not right, then dig down real deep and break up the harbored root of bitterness, the slick, sly killer of preventing true forgiveness, because to harbor is to secretly hide down in the crevices of your heart bitter ill will towards your offender.

There’s one final point. The details about adultery are never important, because it all leads to the same conclusion no matter the cast of characters and that’s’ sin and lack of self-control. 1 Peter 5:8-10 pens it perfectly: “Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings. And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong. Okay that’s a shouting moment right there because even though my heart was in a million little pieces he put it back together stronger, but softer to my sisters and brothers that I will meet later in my life and give share the testimony and really feel it. Bye for now can’t write no more ‘cause I’ gotta get my praise on.

Anonymously submitted.